Dear God,
It’s been four years since I said yes to serve as
coordinator of the Youth of the EDSA Shrine. Indeed it has been four wonderful years
of fun, of laughter, of excitement, of companionship, of triumph, of loss, of
trials, of tears, of bitterness, of challenges, of service, of worship, of
love, of grace—ultimately. Thank you.
It feels just like yesterday as I recall reluctantly taking
on the challenge of what I perceived to be as a resurrection project. There
were only seven or so members left, there was neither clear structure nor
direction that was set before I came in. There was hardly Y.E.S. anymore as
far as community members knew. And because of that you knew full well how
scared I was. There were many uncertainties, many questions, and many doubts most
especially within me as far as how adequate and capable I was to lead Your
ministry. But no sooner than I realized it, You’ve already had me
wholeheartedly committed and in love with the Sacred trust You’ve bestowed upon
me. And I marvel at how fast things went from the initial plans, to the support
needed, to the implementation of the plans: the prototype, the relaunch, the team
building, the parties, the talks, the caring groups, the recollections and all the
services, You saw through all of it. More so, You saw me through it all. As far
as I know, I’ve just been winging it, week in and week out, not knowing how
things would turn out and oftentimes with doubt, yet, you make all my efforts
enough. Grace, indeed. Thank you.
Oh Lord, how many times I failed in my ministry. Forgive me.
There were times that I was too lazy to do my duties and responsibilities,
times that I was too full of myself, fed and made fat my ego, plenty of times that
I saw things as work, times that I did not listen, times that I wanted things
done my way, times that I terribly sinned, times that I sabotaged myself, times
I that I resisted, times that I held back, times that I did not care, times that
I just wanted to quit. All these were evidences of my unworthiness, and yet, You did not give up on me. I had many weaknesses and failures. You
overlooked them and my sins you easily forgave. You continued loving me despite all of them. Thank
you.
The Y.E.S. has grown Lord. But I know deep in my heart that
it was not because of me. It’s because of You and Your love for Your youth. I
keep in mind that I am only an instrument of Your Love and Your work. I am
grateful. If anything,it was they who taught me to listen and to genuinely care.
They taught me how it is to have fun and to keep my youth. They taught me acceptance,
something I had difficulty learning time and again. In moments of great
difficulty, to which I felt very torn in-between quarrels among them, they
taught me openness, compassion and empathy. In my most honest moments, they taught
me the value of responsibility and asking for help, that I am not superman. I
also am amazed how right now they are teaching me to expand myself, grow and
dare to make more difference than what I am used to. And in the 4 years, I
learned to trust your timing and your plans. It is funny that I learned to say
no in YES. And right now, you’re teaching me to let go, in order for them to
grow much more. You knew full well that the youth ministry did not need me much
more than I needed them in order for me to grow in my own Love for myself and
You. It’s unfair! I feel that I have gained more from them and from You than
what I have given. You have been gracious to me! Thank you.
I now let go, because I have done my part and ironically to
do so would also mean to continue on with my part. My part was never to be the perpetual
doting older brother. I recognize that my part was simply to be the friend who
will see them for who they really are from Your eyes and support whatever it is
that they could be from Your plans. And right now, I see that they are ready to
take on leadership, ready to take on responsibility, ready to contribute. May I
be like St John the Baptist, for me to decrease so that they may increase. I
will step back and as I do so I brace myself to see them struggle, to see them
make mistakes, to see them get in trouble and stumble. They will experience getting hurt and It will also hurt me. But to
not allow it would mean to hurt them far greater. Because from what I learned
personally in my 4 years of struggling, making mistakes, getting in trouble and
stumbling, all of these are part of the necessary process to learn and grow, enough to gain personal
confidence, success, meaning and purpose. I will step back and also move forward with
different things in my life and my service, but as You would want it, I will
never stop loving and supporting them, cheering them on. That You would want
this from me and more, I thank you.
Jesus, thank You for showing me different faces of You in
the Youth of the EDSA Shrine. I pray that they have seen Yours in mine, if not,
continue Your work in me that I may give you worthy praise in how I live my
life. Thank You for Your Gracious Love! I love you, my God! And thank You for
the Y.E.S.!
Post Scriptum
Dear Youth of the EDSA Shrine,
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for letting me be
your older brother, even if at times I hated being so. I thank you for trusting
me, for sharing with me your joys, your wounds, your triumphs, your losses,
even your secrets, the truth of who you really are inside. I thank you for
being my friends. I thank you for bearing with me even if I bored you
sometimes. I thank you for laughing with me and sometimes at me. Thank you for
putting up with me the times I had so much crap in my own life. Thank you for
praying for me. Thank you for crying with me. Thank you for keeping my secrets.
Thank you at nagpapauto kayo sa akin
paminsan. HAHA! Thank you for loving me. Salamat talaga!
I also wish to ask for forgiveness to the people I have hurt
intentionally or unintentionally. Sorry sa
mga pagkukulang ko, marami ako nyan. Kung di man kita binigyang pansin, pinagtawanan,
iniwanan sa ere, pinagsalitaan ng nakasasakit I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not
understanding, I’m sorry I went out of bounds, I’m sorry I lost respect. I'm sorry for not keeping my words. I’m sorry
I did not listen. I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough of a leader, a brother, a
friend you expected me to be. I’m sorry for not being able to show you Jesus in
me. To the people who have left the
ministry, because of my lack of love and care, I feel guilty, but I know that it was also part of my process and yours, but just the same, patawad.
To everyone, just know how blessed I am having all of you as
my friends. I came in here as your coordinator and kuya, please let me have the honor of leaving my post as your
friend as well. And this time as your friend let me remind you Y.E.S. to make
more friends in EDSA Shrine and serve them and bring them Jesus. This is not goodbye, simpy thank you. I'll still be around anyway! And when you
see me at the Shrine, please get your free hug! J I love you!!!
I remain,
Nico
